


heaven's deaf, drummer boy

by starfleetbanana



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:46:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The time Ronan helped Adam face Robert Parrish he’d already fallen in love with that brave boy, a self-deprecating overachiever who couldn’t accept help from an Aglionby boy, a really stubborn and really exhausted gorgeous boy who seemed to be scared of him but was still able to confront him like no one else ever did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heaven's deaf, drummer boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Pynch fic ever, so it took me ten years to finish because it was so hard to get it right -at this point I'm just hoping I got it right, tbh-. The title is from "Treats" by Sleigh Bells because I know Ronan Lynch listens to them every day and wakes Adam up with their songs :). Please, enjoy.

The time Ronan helped Adam face Robert Parrish he’d already fallen in love with that brave boy, a self-deprecating overachiever who couldn’t accept help from an Aglionby boy, a really stubborn and really exhausted _gorgeous_ boy who seemed to be scared of him but was still able to confront him like no one else ever did. If he hadn’t known better he would’ve thought Adam was the opposite of him because everyone else figured out way too easily what was going on with him even if he kept denying it. Maybe it was because after three jobs and school he had no energy to waste on pretending. They were similar; both of them were liars and tried to hide themselves from the rest of the world because they’d been hurt too bad at a too young age.

Adam’s body was marked with bruises that went from black to yellow, in varied sizes and shapes. Ronan never wanted to see them again, but he’d had to do it as he looked at him the next day as if nothing had happened.

It’d been a hot afternoon when he’d noticed how hard Adam tried to protect himself from his father without having to sacrifice the little he had for his mother and his future. Ronan admired him for loving a mother who would never be able to do anything for him, because in his place Ronan would’ve hated her as much as he did Robert.

“I don’t need your help, I’m used to this” Adam had said. He hadn’t meant it _that_ way but Ronan had taken it _that_ way so he hadn’t left him alone and he promised himself never to do it again. Even though Adam Parrish could sure as hell protect himself from anything he wanted, Ronan wanted to be there signing shit to share private reassurances with him.

“Yeah, sure, let me check the rest of your face first, though” Ronan had answered and Adam had flinched at his touch. It was feather light and it surprised him because he hadn’t listened to his words. Since that very moment Ronan always made sure he was sitting on the right side to have a proper conversation, though he had to recognise he tried to dream something that’d help him several times, but Adam wouldn’t accept any of the failed dream projects.

He’d managed to learn some sign language with the time. Adam believed the first thing he’d learnt to sign had been “You’re dumb”, but in fact it’d been “I love you”, something Ronan would never _ever_ recognise to anyone but Gansey. He was secretly proud of himself for that.

He was proud of many things he’d done though, for example his first kiss to Adam –he still panicked at the thought of it-. He’d felt invincible and then so weak and like the world could turn him into nothing in a few seconds. It’d been weird because the only time he’d felt breakable had been in a church when he was bleeding to death on the old rotten wooden floor. He’d been stitched back together afterwards, and he’d made sure no one would ever pull too hard at the seams.

He wasn’t to be fixed, just like Adam Parrish. He deserved better than someone who wanted to turn him into something else, because it was that broken boy whom he loved with his entire soul.

When he’d felt Adam’s lips on his for the first time he’d felt like there’d been a fucking car wreck inside his head and Adam had thought the world had stopped. He’d imagined that having a future didn’t matter anymore and he let Ronan kiss his worries away because those chapped lips searching for his shyly and clumsily were piecing him back together.

“I really fucking like you, Lynch” He whispered into his lips, blushing before Ronan kissed the palm of his right hand. Then he rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling as Ronan’s body lied next to him in that tiny sofa. Their bodies were pressed against one another’s and he was so glad at least something he was feeling seemed tangible.  

“Shut up, I’m the birthday boy” He said with a bright smile on his face, an honest one that didn’t make Adam feel like protecting himself from a possible comment that’d break him inside. He didn’t need to defend himself from Ronan anymore.

Ronan’s warm hands between his made him shiver, his arms resting between their stomachs when they shifted to simply stare into each other’s eyes. It was the most cliché scene he could’ve imagined when he thought of Ronan Lynch and in that moment he didn’t understand how someone like him could even think he was good looking. In that moment he didn’t understand Ronan Lynch was in love with him and kissing and touching him had only made it worse, but he wasn’t the kind of person who regretted anything. Ronan recognised his mistakes and fuck ups, he just really hoped this wasn’t considered any sort of fuck up by the boy in front of him.

On the other hand Adam Parrish was really good at fuck ups.  He always did his homework, he got good grades, attended every class and had three jobs. There was no way of stopping him, not even death would do the job –Noah was a clear example of how death wasn’t exactly successful with overachievers-. In other words Adam was good at everything you could think of, except becoming part of Cabeswater had messed everything up.

At first it wasn’t noticeable. He was a little bit more tired, he couldn’t exactly sleep at night because his dreams were too vivid and his nightmares about Robert Parrish haunted him again and again. Ronan tried to help him, but he knew it was impossible because he was Cabeswater in a way.

The magic he worked was very different from Ronan’s or Persephone’s and he tried his hardest to keep up with all his work, but there’d been a point in his life where Adam had stopped being himself to offer his entire body to the forest. He’d started sleepwalking and he’d wake up the morning after hurting all over, sometimes in weird places, or in 300 Fox Way with Mara looking questioningly at him. The only questions he’d answer were Ronan’s, but he didn’t know a lot either.

It’d been manageable until one night at the Barns Ronan had woken up from a nightmare without Adam on his side. He felt panic pushing the breath out of his lungs but he got out of bed as quickly as he could, still wearing his pyjamas, to get into the BMW and look for the stupid boy he’d sworn to love and protect.

Bruised and battered he’d been walking still asleep on the road to Cabeswater, Ronan assumed, but with some special magician luring skills he’d developed in his time with Adam he’d managed to drag him into the car to _their_ bed in the Barns. It hurt how he couldn’t even help him until next morning when he was completely there once again.

“What the fuck do you do when you’re asleep, Parrish? You’re worse than Blue” Ronan complained. He was on his knees in front of him, trying to work on the cut on his eyebrow and the scratches and cuts on his arms. In fact, he’d been on his way back apparently, since he’d been covered by mud already and he’d been scratched everywhere by the tree branches. Cabeswater wasn’t supposed to hurt any of them, but it always made Ronan’s heart sink for a few minutes when he feared he’d lose Adam into that scrying bowl. He had to accept he was his magician, the one who’d never leave his side.

“Dunno, thinking of you distracts me” Adam shrugged and Ronan huffed in response.

According to the Major Arcana the magician card meant capabilities, talents and unleashing your full potential. Adam didn’t know what it meant to be the magician until he realised he loved Ronan Lynch too.

He had a reputation, and where he was unlikable Adam remembered the lazy “morning _prrish”_ s mumbled into his shoulder accumulating in his memories as the summer went by mostly at the Barns. Where people saw an indifferent expression or a smile with sharp teeth, Adam saw Chainsaw and Opal, creatures of fear, uncertainty and love, time and dreams that Ronan had not only created but had also made real. He was good at Latin and kissing and teasing, and bad at being considerate to people who liked him, but most importantly he made Adam feel worth something.

“Fuck you, Parrish” He whispered as he blushed. Ronan Lynch blushed and Adam smiled to himself every time that happened because he enjoyed thoroughly getting that combination of quiet and destruction he was experiencing now from a different point of view. The blows didn’t come from his father deafening him again and again in his nightmares, his blooming emotions were all caused by Ronan or Cabeswater –which was still Ronan-, the difference was this time touching Ronan didn’t hurt even as the thorns pierced the skin of his calloused and oil stained fingertips. He couldn’t feel any pain after he’d been kissed by Ronan.

“Why do you even like me?” He asked flinching at his touch because his face hurt and he’d already forgotten what it was like to be hurt like that.

Who says I like you? Ronan thought, but he knew his answer had to be an honest one when he looked into Adam’s eyes. He didn’t feel capable of muttering a word so he just pressed the tiny cotton ball harder to clean the blood on his cheek.

Ronan insisted on the fact Adam sucked at this whole boyfriend thing, but he still showed him every single day he loved him because it was the kind of truth you couldn’t ignore. Most of the people he knew were convinced he was Ronan’s toy until they saw them together and Ronan looked like the most complicated thing in the world, a mixture of the purest love in his eyes and an amount of anger and annoyance that weighed on his shoulders, a hate toward the world that’d never leave him.

“Because stupid and exhausted pretty men are my first choice” Ronan answered matter-of-factly, which made Adam’s eyes crinkle in a smile.

Adam had been trying to learn, he’d been trying to give himself enough time to enjoy little things and Ronan had made him start going to bed earlier because _fuck, Parrish, stop it_ but it’d worked only because the warmth of his body made him feel safe. He wished he could think ‘Fuck University’ to enjoy his last days with his best friends in Aglionby, but it’d been the only motivation he’d ever had.

Deep inside Ronan believed he had to take Adam to church to make him understand why his existence meant so much to him, but he’d rather spend the rest of his life dreaming stupid gifts and sharing unhealthy food with him to show him what he meant when he said _I love you._

There was a part of him Adam believed didn’t make sense –until it did after he’d spent enough time with him, or as much sense as Ronan Lynch’s actions could make. He still went to church with his brothers every Sunday. Adam knew he got bored in there, he knew it made him remember the time he’d cut his forearms open every fucking Sunday, but he still did it.

Adam had never believed in any sort of god. The only thing he’d learnt to believe in were very real things, like the way nightmares became tangible when he heard her mother crying, and now he also believed in magic because he’d been experiencing it first hand for a while. But whenever Ronan talked about God the first thing he thought was he hoped he wasn’t condemned to hell for loving that boy because he’d tried so hard his entire life to get somewhere else, to be better and get out of Henrietta. None of that was worth hell.

His body hurt still from his unknown adventure in Cabeswater. He’d probably carried something heavy since the muscles in his back pulled every time he moved, and his arms felt kind of numb. He couldn’t help thinking of the way hell was supposed to be torturetorturetorture and for a moment he believed he’d been to hell and back, but then he remembered there were worse things in the world than being hurt by the people that were supposed to love you. He was grateful there were three boys, a girl and her family, and a ghost who loved him.

Sometimes he wondered if Noah had changed Ronan’s beliefs in any way. Noah was so real he felt like he was a ghost when he was around, invisible, observant, so tired.

Ronan had told him once if he died young and miserable, like he was at the moment, he could pretend he couldn’t listen shit and sign until they let him in heaven because everybody knew sign language was _really fucking cool_ –and because those hands signing sorta made him feel something-.

“Not saying you’re pretty, though” Ronan finished as he got up to sit next to Adam. As soon as he felt Adam leaning into his touch, he grabbed his hand and started playing with his fingers. He took it to his mouth to press chaste kisses to his knuckles, the skin there was still healing from another Cabeswater task that hadn’t finished quite well. “What I mean is” Ronan interrupted himself pressing a delicate kiss to the palm of his hand. “You make me feel like fucking receiving the holy communion”.

Adam didn’t completely understand what that meant but he nodded at his words, always some sort of benediction, letting them and Ronan’s lips on his wrist make him _feel_ like he was holy.        

“Like sinning, that is” Ronan added as he huffed.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly hope this wasn't all over the place (I know it was, but I needed to get it out because I love my children so much). Don't be afraid to comment, I'm starting to believe I'm scary or sth lmao.


End file.
